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About Varied / Hobbyist Brianna Skye21/Female/United States Recent Activity
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Brianna4848
Brianna Skye
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
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Hey journal, it's been quite some time since I made one of these. I guess I never really saw the point in them. My art has mostly always been for myself, (mainly because I'm not as talented as some people try to make me out to be, and that's not me being a pessimist,  It's sheer honesty)  so I've never had a fan base really warranting constant updates. But I figured my thoughts should be recorded somewhere. Soooo anyways it's been kind of a rough past few months. At first things seemed to be going well, I started school for esthetics in September.  A new path, a whole new world for me to explore.

But then something happened that shook me far more then I thought it would.  My parents my sister and I have lived with my gram for eleven years now. And in that time I have watched one of the strongest women I have ever know deteriorate due to dementia. So a few months ago, gram had a really bad days. She fell a couple times,  and things were just getting progressively more difficult. She ended up going to the hospital. Now about every two or three years she ends up there due to a diabetic related complication. And she'd spend a few weeks there, and then an elderly care facility for a few days and then she'd come home.

She always came home. Always.  But not this time. No this time,  she's not coming home.  And I don't think she ever will. And I have to accept that.

I think part of the reason I'm writing this is so I can process what's going on.  Because it's been a few months now and I still haven't faced it.

See I wasn't extremely close with her, but I've always taken care of her,  since I was eight years old. It was something I've always known.  Not just because I love her, and not just because I had to,  but because it was all I've ever known. And now...?

And now she's in some home that isn't hers,  with other people like her,  but I know she hates it. Every lucid moment she has is spent wondering why she is there and where her family is and that fucking kills me. It kills me. And I can't understand why. We weren't super close, but I love her so much that her thought brings me to tears. So I've pushed it all away,  along with everything else that's shitty that's going on. Saying 'I'll deal with it when I have time.' But I have to face it. I have to process it.

You know I knew, we all knew that our 'dream' world would end eventually,  but I never thought it would break my heart.

But  I think I'll be okay, I've become an expert at putting myself back together.

But this stupid crazy fucked up world,  it has never made sense to me.  Even when I was little. I miss my gram, so so much. And I love her so much.  And all I really want is my life back. But in this stupid crazy fucked up world, I know that things will never be the same. But I'm hopeful albeit not by much, but I'm hopeful for a better life.

Anyways, I feel a little bit better.
Thanks for listening.

Brii.

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I really would like to try a Premium membership!!! And i love all yall so yeah :D It can only help me get better. :heart: I'm not sure how much, but any is enough. :D I love you all.

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:iconcainsin:
CainSin Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Heyaa! Happy birthday! WYATB and GBU :love:
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconcute-plz:
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Yup still cute.
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:icondragonsong17:
dragonsong17 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the fave!  :D
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem ^-^.
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:icongermanya:
germanyA Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
thanx so much for the fav <3 Dipper and Mabel- Hungry! Bipper Slapping Himself Hori Spinning Kashima Icon 
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
^_^ No problem!!
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:iconbaroquebeat:
BaroqueBeat Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2015  Student
Thank you for the Favourite! :love:
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
^_^ sure thing.
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:iconmarchaga:
MArchaga Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the favouriteThank You Hearts Sign 
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem
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:icondragonsong17:
dragonsong17 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the fave!  :D
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
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:iconcainsin:
CainSin Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for the fave~! :love:
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem ^_^!
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:iconmyhappiidays:
MyHappiiDays Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the favorite! ( ovo )
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You'rwe very welcome :iconcute-plz:
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:iconziocorvid:
ZioCorvid Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
:iconthanksfav:
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem :iconcute-plz:
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:iconharuhi116:
haruhi116 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Happy Birthday ^^
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!!!
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:iconharuhi116:
haruhi116 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Youre welcome ^^
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:iconoverlord8451:
Overlord8451 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the fav n.n means a lot
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:iconbrianna4848:
Brianna4848 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconcute-plz: No problem ^_^ Keep up the good work!
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:iconoverlord8451:
Overlord8451 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Will do :3
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